Notes on life, philosophy, and medicine

One of my patients came to me recently, she just a got a new job and said she's learning things in her job she wished she had learned in school. While I don't think school will teach us everything we need to know, it has certainly done us a major disservice. Yes, a major part surely is a significant lack of funding but I tell you we can usually do things with little funding if we are creative and are actually given the space to do it.  So my major gripe today, I never really learned to cook from my mom; and I am not blaming her because surely I can learn now. It's just why did schools take away home economics classes and shop classes? We tossed it aside for what? If we don't have the basics? Were we all going to become engineers or whatever else that we didn't need to learn the basics of home economics and all this time as the family as we knew it has changed and altered some for the better and others for the worse.  I hope we are on our way to recovery but if nothi

If I accomplish this, it will not have come from me.  If you are still near, may you hear my tears  all this wishing you back to life  at 38, somehow not secure enough to be without you let alone now near 11 years since you have left I do have a son who speaks of his ancestors  this life I have been given was at no small cost to you  or to ong noi you sacrificed comfort of that which was known to you you traveled to a far away land  that may not have completely opened their arms wide for you  and you built a home, a family  you kept us together  your sadness and weight in this life I'll never truly understand  I pray my heart continues to speak to yours  so that even in death, I may know you deeper still.  I hope I'm making you proud. 

This last weekend, from what I can piece together, one of my patients went to bed early and didn't wake up. The community I serve is reeling from the lost of a strong, courageous, vocal, and beyond compassionate woman. I wonder if I could have done something, offered an intervention beyond what I did. I know at the end of this day, like all other days, I can only carry that knowledge with me to my next encounter. No amount of self battering or guilt will bring her back but I can honor the process by asking myself these questions as a way forward. We have to learn - from our past, we have an opportunity to grow and better ourselves and our understanding, and we must use it to create a brighter future.  I do not believe the community in which I work in an exception, but I have been struggling to understand how horrific pain can be encountered and brushed under the rug to only be encountered again. Is it the compounding nature of tragedies that has befallen on this collective communit

It's not everyday you lose a patient, but when it happens, it hits you like a wave, carrying along with it, all past losses. It's really hard. You wonder if you missed something, if you could have done more to turn the tide, to give them more time...  you wonder if you are worth the trust they gave you.  All I know, is I won't forget, that your life mattered  and if no one else recalls your story, I will.  That through your life and death, you shared it with me.  You entrusted me and forever I will be honored.  May I carry on what you have given to me.  May I share your story and your hope.  May the tears that shed turn to the most powerful of waterfalls  and your legacy, what you were here to do, live on in the lives you have touched  like mine  our stories tied  thank you. 

I spent many encounters this last year reminding patients to focus on their close relationships rather than be moved (or more bluntly put stressed/anxious) by the national and international "battle" over ideas. The reality is in part these battles are "created" and spurred on by a much deeper/darker frenzy to "sell" and "self promote."  More so, when we spend our time positioning our ideas to be heard globally or at least the abyss that is social media, we are missing a fundamental reality that the lives we most impact are those around us.  This idea is not entirely my own, most of it comes from my church and our pastor Jim at Evergreen PNW. He furthers the idea that our greatest impact occurs among our "oikos" - the 8-15 people that we genuinely share and do life with eg friends/family/coworkers/neighbors etc.  As the national debate may have torn apart that close fabric, I hope and pray, we can look more closely and what is important