Weight of sadness

I laid in bed today, trying to find the grooves of my body through tampered dull dragging pain emanating from my rattled brain, startled from a nightmarish vision I cannot now recall. Were these glimpses of trauma? persistence of fear? or a weight of sadness I could not yet shake. I had only one option, to acknowledge it and to feel its presence. 

In the back of my thumping brain, I could see the sparkle of new life, of mistakes as opportunities. The challenges of settling my mind was like tracking down a ninja, stillness could not be found but I could see the questions and there, I settled, knowing in time, questions will find their answers or vice versa. No amount of toiling here in this moment, would suffice...only in time. 

Tincture of time and ease of space, perhaps more than anything, the acknowledgment that Christ is and ever shall be MY HOPE. 

I wonder where I have erred and if I could fix what I had broken? reminder to do only what clearly lies ahead, so what pray tell, dear God, is that next step that is right here in front of me, because You have the future set so clearly. It is only in FEAR that I question what that future holds. Only in FEAR that I carefully curate the steps before me, but NO to FEAR, NO, it was not you who put the fear in me. 

So I trust you, amidst the whirling of lives around us, You Have a Plan...One I cannot picture or imagine. Move me, just one step at a time. Carry me through this weight of sadness.

Not through me, but IN YOU, will be the WAY.