Notes on life, philosophy, and medicine

I laid in bed today, trying to find the grooves of my body through tampered dull dragging pain emanating from my rattled brain, startled from a nightmarish vision I cannot now recall. Were these glimpses of trauma? persistence of fear? or a weight of sadness I could not yet shake. I had only one option, to acknowledge it and to feel its presence.  In the back of my thumping brain, I could see the sparkle of new life, of mistakes as opportunities. The challenges of settling my mind was like tracking down a ninja, stillness could not be found but I could see the questions and there, I settled, knowing in time, questions will find their answers or vice versa. No amount of toiling here in this moment, would suffice...only in time.  Tincture of time and ease of space, perhaps more than anything, the acknowledgment that Christ is and ever shall be MY HOPE.  I wonder where I have erred and if I could fix what I had broken? reminder to do only what clearly lies ahead, so what pray tell, dear G

40 : I’ll take you with the good and the bad…because today brought an insight far deeper…that Someone has it all in His control and the sadness I feel cannot give way to hopelessness, nor complacency but not hair pulling fear or worry because He has it all in his hands. And I am good with that.  Bring it on - I don’t have it; I don’t need to have it.  You’ve got it and You have always had me.  Sweet restful dreams my random few readers and me :)

The last few weeks of my 30s, I landed on This is Us on Netflix with one of my very favorites Mandy Moore...it came out years ago but I started it and in good old binge fashion have traveled in time with this television family through their last years of their 30s. Maybe another sign that im right where im supposed to be. I think that may be the call of this coming decade of knowing and being right where im supposed to be - settled by the waves of knowing and not knowing in quick succession. Accepting with grace that there is no getting it 100 % of the time. It's day 1 of my birthday month and either it's the cherry Pepsi _- I prefer coke- I said yes to - or the fact that some days I wish I could slow time to cherish the space in between, the air shared, the moments one keeps that connects us through space and time. James is at his friend's tonight. I watched probably 5 episodes of this is us. And...well I dont know if there's anything more ....just that this thread of