recycled parts

Over the last several weeks, I've been posting material I wrote in the months preceding, rather than put typed letters directly onto this old blog. So here I am, in all my glory and not, at 4:12am after fussing around, exploring the dark of night in my home and my withering mind. 

Withered from hustle of days, lost in unconscious meanderings, un-fully appreciated in the present. The bright glare of the computer screen stares back against the blackness of this small room, hoping for magic. Magic to transform days passing to days living. To give this little life, ALL. 

Take me as I am, embrace all my imperfections, because I want to shine. 

... 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Piercing blows

Out of deep heartache can come immense treasures - love boundless - until it hurts. My parents met in high school. They fell in love. They argued as young people without a full sense of self and awareness of others do.  My father had an affair. There was turmoil. My mom fell for someone else.  My youngest two brothers were born.  Out of heartache, treasures. I will take a lifetime of blows to love and know love as truly as it can be known.  Spending time now with my mom.  My dad sends his regards and reassurances through little dragon flies.  I don’t know where I am going, what’s next, but I hope to look back and say I gave it my entire heart. 
Read more

Privileged Few or the should be's

My blog has been about recognizing my personal search and exploration of life. I've been on this current journey for the last 5 weeks. It's the longest one I've ever taken that did not involve school. In it, I have tried to live and experience life as it is not for a foreign traveler but for the authentic local experience. Choosing apartment rentals over hotel stays, striking conversations often and when appropriate, eating out, walking, & using the metro system.  Surely, it's an imperfect art, this shape-shifting and experiencing another's life outside your own. Through it all, I had my own life to contend with, a child to try to impart moral and life wisdom to, a family who had their own intentions, or not, for the trip, and my own goals to "just be" and find the love and laughter in family. We discovered tears and heartache in the midst, perhaps from my perspective a naivete, but mostly from the underpinnings of most conflict, a misunderstanding of
Read more

Proud God fearing family doc

Image
I wonder why saying these two things out loud would be difficult - ask me what I do for work and I have my silent reservations about telling people - is it out of humility or perhaps a fear of not being good enough? And as a woman? Gosh even that I don’t feel half the time, loving my childish ways, what does it mean to be a woman? Have I not seen and experienced enough role models in my life to properly consider myself one? Then there is God- perhaps it’s knowing that I am truly not good enough but isn’t that where God does his thing and I can say with great hope that I believe??? Do I still have doubts? Can I say by my character and my fruits that I am a daughter of Christ?! Do I fear the repercussions of the world in standing in my belief but only loosely can I connect all that I may know in my heart and mind. Whatever it is, sometimes I am confident enough to say these things and pray that I can be as competent. This is a photo of me outside the Blue Lagoon in Iceland with my Advent
Read more