I started this blog when I was applying to medical school in 2009 and my dad was home sick with brain cancer; I don't know what I hope to come of it, but maybe you will find something here that speaks to you.
Day 7 - stillness
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No answers. No judgement. Just silence, whispering breeze, chirping birds, floating moon and sunrises. Here.
Out of deep heartache can come immense treasures - love boundless - until it hurts. My parents met in high school. They fell in love. They argued as young people without a full sense of self and awareness of others do. My father had an affair. There was turmoil. My mom fell for someone else. My youngest two brothers were born. Out of heartache, treasures. I will take a lifetime of blows to love and know love as truly as it can be known. Spending time now with my mom. My dad sends his regards and reassurances through little dragon flies. I don’t know where I am going, what’s next, but I hope to look back and say I gave it my entire heart.
My blog has been about recognizing my personal search and exploration of life. I've been on this current journey for the last 5 weeks. It's the longest one I've ever taken that did not involve school. In it, I have tried to live and experience life as it is not for a foreign traveler but for the authentic local experience. Choosing apartment rentals over hotel stays, striking conversations often and when appropriate, eating out, walking, & using the metro system. Surely, it's an imperfect art, this shape-shifting and experiencing another's life outside your own. Through it all, I had my own life to contend with, a child to try to impart moral and life wisdom to, a family who had their own intentions, or not, for the trip, and my own goals to "just be" and find the love and laughter in family. We discovered tears and heartache in the midst, perhaps from my perspective a naivete, but mostly from the underpinnings of most conflict, a misunderstanding of ...
Preserving the slight breeze and stickiness of the napoli air for just a moment; the sense of my only child just one level above playing video games with his cousin, my sister and nieces in different rooms in this updated dated italian old tri level home with a courtyard overlooking "old man" piazza just for a moment longer knowing this will slip right by the dissipation of non-materialized worry early on the victories in seeing and being in another part of the world experiencing same same but different and no matter where you go, there you are we will be "back" soon but back to where? home? routine? will it be different? will the daydream of this trip the moments of sameness but different somehow make its way into "back" or rather than back, can returning be into the future? and how do I want that future to look, to feel? no I suppose there's no going back and then no fretting about re...
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