Notes on life, philosophy, and medicine

 Day 8  Where I most want to be  hearing the sound of a chicken crow as daylight breaks  walking around the Coral Sands RV site  in the presence of a few shanties  I was immediately displaced back to those mornings in Vietnam  with only less humidity and before the heat of the day  as I was drawn to such a time and place I wondered  is that where I most want to be  traveling with unrestrained awe  limits set by no one  If I cannot go back  how do I go forward and reach out of my past  to make a part of my present?  The 3/4 glow of the moon lies directly overhead  the mesa tops of bluff, utah in front  the sweet chill of early summer breeze whooshes through the trees and  in between by uncombed hair the anachronistic computer in which I use to type  hoping my words will guide me  because I'm searching for something  perhaps just the present - enjoyment of the sun rising to my left shining against the towering rocks that appear erected but is more likely eroded  no, not quite, my anx

No answers. No judgement. Just silence, whispering breeze, chirping birds, floating moon and sunrises. Here. 

Just waking up, the buzzing sound of the river behind us, the dawn before us, and the still of the night still among us. This is my favorite time. Alone. Peacefully taking in the newness of a day, breathing my first conscious breath that can only be done in present. Then just as quickly, swept away by the worries of later. May we all spend a little more time in the now. Till later.  

Day 4 - we are here at Somerset, Co in our third ever RV park on the same trip. I am wondering what brings me out here and why we still have 6 nights and 7 days left. A part of me wishes for time to fly by so that I can back in the comfort of my own home, another very real part of me recognizes that moments like this, with my now 7 year old, will be a distant memory but one I hope he can cherish and remember; I hope I can remember it.  We have had far too many smores and have added at least 1000 miles to the treads of this Cruise America rental. James is now fondly acquainted with his aunts Jennifer and Nancy but perhaps for him, more critically, time is being spent in the company of a gentle Doberman named Billet. While for me, other than a dwindling fitness level from too much time spent mostly in the seated driver position, I want to set an intention for this trip, I want to reflect on the questions I first posed to myself as I planned on making this excursion happen - was I trying

what do they represent, these sad ugly tears? the unforgiving history, the beautiful life, the loving future that is unlikely to be? Wow truly wishing for a world without such pain, where goodbyes that feel like forever, where our own mortality is not so in your face and you have to LIVE - but how?  ...